After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
