So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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