Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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