you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
