alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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