end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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