Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
