It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
