sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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