I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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