she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
