Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
