I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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