I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
