may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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