you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
