I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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