gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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