Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need moral support for this bender
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize