You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
