Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
