is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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