I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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