idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
