wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
