An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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