On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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