all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
