yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
