And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
