No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
