You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
