are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you win again, gameday.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
