the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry about my life...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
