let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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