My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize