hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize