I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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