Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
