The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
