gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
