Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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