i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
