I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
