I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
