Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
