Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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