so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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