I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
