This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
