if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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