if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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