the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
