If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
