The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
