I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
