all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
