if only i could text you this smell
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
