my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
