this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
