I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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