You made me cry and you don't even care
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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