that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
