youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
