I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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