At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
