I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
