She said her name was "party"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
