yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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