k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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