Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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