So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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