I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
