thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
