"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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