My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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