Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I believe in your delicious
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
