she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We left an ass print on the piano.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
