Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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