You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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