Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
